


make my messes matter (make this chaos count)

by ftmpeter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, a little reluctantly but that's ok, also idk how to tag this, oh well, the man has issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21612988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ftmpeter/pseuds/ftmpeter
Summary: there is red in every aspect of tony's life.
Relationships: Howard Stark & Tony Stark, Maria Stark & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 9
Kudos: 51





	make my messes matter (make this chaos count)

**Author's Note:**

> i promise i'm working on something for the trans!peter series (i realized the other day that i haven't updated it in over a month, kms) but my brain is in a weird place at the moment and this is a result of that fact. it was supposed to be a lot more depressing - like, a _lot_ \- but i decided to spare you guys and make it kind of wholesome towards the end. well, as much as i can. angst always has to make an appearance somehow

there is red in every aspect of tony's life.

if the ocean was made up of his memories, he could swim down, down, down all the way to the bottom and still find traces of it. even in the darkness, it would still be there, painted on the ground, the very foundations he’d been built upon.

as a child, red is the marks on his wrists when howard grabs him a little too roughly. red is what blossoms on his cheek when he's smacked hard enough to see stars because less than perfection isn't accepted. red is the pen used to grade his schoolwork, designed to stand out on the bland white paper. red glares at him accusingly, picking apart his flaws, his mistakes, his failures.

but at the same time, red is his mother's nails, brushing across his skin as she soothes him to sleep. it's the back of his eyelids when he steps out into the sun, letting it warm him up from the inside. it's safety and love just as much as it's hatred and rejection. it's a contradiction.

everything about tony is a contradiction.

years speed past him. red is the carpet his knees hit when he's told that his parents are dead, that he's now an orphan in a world where he's supposed to be powerful. it's the flashing strobe lights at every party after. it's the solo cup he always seems to be holding in at least one hand during these parties, filled to the brim with alcoholic drinks he can't remember the name of. it's the bright hair of some girl who introduces him to more and more drugs.

it's the blood staining yinsen's shirt.

it's pepper's smile, her lips pressed against tony's.

it's iron man. that's what it comes back to in the end, isn't it? iron man, hailed as a legend when he himself is breaking. iron man, a suit made into something so, so much bigger than he ever planned. he's not sure where it ends and he begins.

it's what he sees when he learns of the winter soldier, of the real reason behind his parent's death.

(he had thought that was just an expression, being so angry you see red, but it isn't. it's not even simply anger. it's pure, unadulterated rage, roaring flames and burning betrayal mixed with blue.)

when he first meets peter parker, tony doesn't quite know what to make of him. on one hand, he's spider-man, a vigilante quickly becoming a local phenomenon and someone he needs on his side. on the other, he's peter parker, a fifteen year old boy with messy hair, acne, and a bad case of hero worship.

he watches this fifteen year old boy fight, and something that he refuses to call love rests where the arc reactor was. he watches him fuck up, do things that could very well cost him his life, and that fondness never fades, not even when he's straining his voice scolding him and getting gray hairs because of it. it settles in his heart, pushes him to be better, to _do_ better. a small part of him wonders if this is what fatherhood is.

peter is red, but it's nothing like before. it's a relaxed, gentle red, the color of sunsets, of embarrassed blushes when someone ruffles his curls. it's his favorite sweatshirt that somehow makes him look even smaller. it's his untied shoes he's had since he was twelve tapping against tile when he's rolled underneath their latest project, tinkering with pieces of metals. it's the love he has for everyone and everything, the childlike innocence and instinctual kindness he carries with him despite fate doing its best to get rid of it.

red is peter's favorite color. tony doesn't ever ask why, but he thinks it might be because of him.


End file.
